Adjusting to change as a new mom

Change is inevitable. We know this. We’ve seen it happen in our lives repeatedly and usually when we least expect it. Yet, it still throws us off balance when it shows up. As new moms, this change is in the form of a child which can completely change your outlook on life and will definitely change your everyday routine. As new moms, we struggle to regain that same sense of control in our lives that we had before having babies. This control does eventually come back, it just takes some adjusting to spilt milk (literally). In the span of 3 years I’ve gotten married, experienced a global pandemic with the rest of the world, moved twice, had a baby and am now pregnant with number 2. Although I’m incredibly grateful, I didn’t expect any of these major life transitions to happen so quickly.

Here’s what I’ve learned from facing numerous major life changes:

• A flexible mind is able to adapt to change much more quickly. When we’re faced with a major life change, especially if it’s not part of our ‘life plan’, we’re prone to resisting it. We try to hold onto how our life was before we were greeted with the change. How many times as a new mom have you wondered where the woman you were before you had a baby went? This is so natural, especially when time to yourself is rare. However, dwelling on this will only make adjusting to the change harder. Adopting this type of resistance mentality tells our brain that it shouldn’t be processing the change of having a baby. This delays the inevitable growth that the baby was meant to bring us. The term, Matresence, describes motherhood as a physical, emotional and mental transformation. We don’t just wake up one day and feel like the wonderful mother we always hoped we’d be. We often wake up to a crying baby and wonder when we’ll feel like ourselves again. The idea of going back to our old selves is what creates more tension and resistance. Motherhood is an evolution for both mother and baby and it takes time to adjust to your new normal. Even when life is not going the way we expected it, it’s so important to adopt a flexible mindset in order to allow growth to occur. Looking back on the past 3 years, I understand that everything happened the way it was supposed to and I’m a better person because of it. This perspective was only possible with a flexible mindset.
• Do not compare. The worst thing you can do when you are going through transitioning to motherhood is to compare yourself to how your new mom friends, family or social network dealt with it. You never really know what someone is going through. In our culture of social comparison, we tend to only show each other the best sides of ourselves and hide the ugly. However, we intimately know all of the not so pretty sides to our own lives so when we compare ourselves to others we’re comparing all of ourselves to their best selves. This will ultimately make us feel like we’re failing. It’s so important to avoid comparing ourselves to others when we’re going through a major life change. Your journey is your own and you need to allow yourself the time and energy you need to go through the transformation you’re facing.
• Our brains take time to process. Nothing amazing can happen overnight. The most incredible transformations take time. Yet we tend to feel that when we’re faced with a major change we’re supposed to just automatically adopt the new belief system or role that this change brings on. When I had my baby, I immediately felt a sense of maternal protection over him.. I felt like I had been given this incredible task of taking care of this little being and I wanted to do everything I could to protect him, but I was also shocked that the Universe had trusted me with this responsibility because in many ways I still felt like a child. It’s taken me months to get to a point where I feel like I’m fully embodying the role of a mother and I’ve figured out how to still be my own person along with it. It took my brain months to process my new reality. When you’re hit with a major life change, you’re not supposed to feel brand new right away. Your brain is taking in all of the new information and slowly determining what to do with it. So give yourself grace and know that your brain is taking baby steps to process the information each day and soon enough, before you’ve realized it, you’ll have normalized it. Rushing this timeline will exhaust you. Just take it day by day and trust yourself and the process.

One of the most important things to remember when you’re transitioning to motherhood is that nothing in life is absolute. Motherhood is amazing AND it can be challenging. It can be rewarding AND exhausting. You can feel grateful AND lost all at the same time. Nothing in life is ever absolute. Embracing this idea fully will allow you to process your feelings without judgment. When I speak to a new mom there is no doubt they are unbelievably grateful for their child and in love with them. Yet that doesn’t mean they’re not exhausted and they definitely wished they had more time to themselves. These feelings don’t take away from their gratitude. These feelings aren’t negative or positive, they’re just feelings and they’re all natural. Remembering that no experience in life is completely absolute will empower you to embrace each one of these feelings and will help your brain to process the journey.

Motherhood is hard AND it’s incredible. It’s the biggest transition you’ll ever go through in life. For a large period of time you may feel disconnected from your old self. Soon you’ll start to realize that you weren’t meant to revert back to being your old self. Motherhood takes us through a process of evolution and we become evolved versions of our old selves. Enjoy the ebbs and flows and know that you are doing amazing. Life works best when we ride these ebbs and flows without judgment. There is already a lot of judgment out there, it’s our job to protect our minds from it so that we can shower ourselves and those around us with all of the selfless love we deserve.

Originally published at https://mariamq.com.